I have had the opportunity of hearing others share their personal stories of struggling to respond peacefully to conflict since I've started this project. The underlying cause of their anger, revenge, hatred and violence seems to always be connected to some basic issues: territory, privilege (or lack thereof), poverty, corruption, or identity.
One of the most profound struggles between my spouse and myself involved identity. I was unhappy with my relationship - no news there; we all experience that at one time or another. What was unique about this particular period of time was that I was studying something called ontology - the study of language and how we create our reality through it - with the Newfield Group. In this modality, language has three key components: linguistics, body and emotion.
What I discovered was that the negative assessments I was holding about my husband were representative of negative assessments I had at one time held about myself. None of these assessments were based in fact. They were stories that I had created about him to make some sense out of everything at the time. I'm sure the realization was in the making for some time, but it felt like it came to me on a conscious level all at once. I could physically feel my entire world crumbling. I was shaking and barely able to speak. For those who know me intimately, a lack of speech on my part is not a possibility!
I became conscious of the fact that I didn't know the man that I was married to since many of my thoughts were based on a few misapplied core beliefs. I was terrified to go home and discover that I didn't know him at all. And if he wasn't who I had thought him to be, who the heck was I in this relationship? Feeling sick to my stomach, I called to share my epiphany with him. His first words were "So now are you going to be more open and flexible toward me?" My contriteness instantly turned to indignation. I had just spent months of self-discovery and Michael had me pegged all along! However, this initial dialogue led to a new journey of discovery with a different mindset for both of us.
What does this very personal and intimate story have to do with the message of Journey to Peace? According to Mairead Corrigan Maguire, one of the biggest struggles the people of Northern Ireland have experienced in moving from the violence of The Troubles to the dialogue through which they now use to solve their differences is the desire to hold on to a particular identity. Identity rests in the mind of individuals and in the collective conscience of society. Changing that identity and the filters we (as individuals or as societies) look through is difficult and can be terrifying. It allows us to function in the world around us, can serve as a survival mechanism, and also sometimes works against us. There is wisdom in remaining open to new possibilities and not being too attached to whom we think we, or others, are.
Aung San Suu Kyi, one of the Nobel Peace Laureate's who will be featured in the film said to me, "... conflict, of course, begins in the mind, after all. So whether it's with people close to you or people who are very distant from you, the beginnings of resolution from conflict have to come from the mind."
